How I got here!

How did I get here... well it's good question, cuz certainly this is not what I had planned for my body! I also didn't "get here" over night, this has been a long long process! It's also came with a whole lotta tears and frustration. I like to say that I got fat because I quit smoking and that's partially true... I gained close to 40 lbs when I quit. But that isn't the whole truth either... I like to eat... A LOT!! I love cooking and and I'm good at it so naturally Imma get my eats on!!
About 2 years ago while getting my nails done, I was given a sample of BeautyFuel. I had a vague idea that it was a supplement that aided in weight loss and I though hellz yeah! I'm all over that, so I ordered a bottle on line, and I felt really good. Then I got really brave and ordered more but this time it was being delivered to my house by Sam... OMFG!!! I open the door and find a freakin' super model with an amazing body and I'm like... WTF??? this is the chick from the poster??? So I'm thinking "hey I can do this, I'll add her on Facebook and maybe I'll pick up some pointers" ... not so much! I totally let my head take over and developed this ridiculous fear of Sam. I knew she was a boot camp instructor and while I knew a boot camp would be good for me I was so afraid of her I couldn't bring myself to sign up.

Some time went by and I did make small efforts to living healthier. I quit smoking, joined the YMCA and tried not to eat too much crap. But I wasn't all in, so I ended up gaining weight... I pissed and moaned about being fat to ALL my family, friends, clients and basically anyone who would listen! One particular day I'm on facebook and I see Sam's comment on a boot camp... so I emailed her... lol, what a moron I am... I'm so tough right, so I tell her that I'm chubby, need help but I am NOT doing a boot camp cuz she's scary. I can laugh about it now, but damn was I an idiot! The first thing she had me do was a food journal... it was so bad!! I don't mean i had some crappy food listed either. Her response (and I still have the email) was "Girl you are going to die, I am starting a Boot Camp 101 because of you" really... she made a whole new boot camp because of me!! So when I say I was eating bad and not exercising it's definitely bullsh*t! I was KILLING myself!!  So I jumped, for the first time... Now I'm jumping all over the place and pushing myself to get out of my comfort zone!

I walked into World Gym excited and ready and willing! Gahhhh! That class was brutal!! She kicked my a$$ all over the studio... and then some! I really felt like I was gonna die!! And she yelled! She stood beside me while I was doing squats and yelled "DOWN, UP" like I could possibly do any better than what I was doing... Beotch! Do I love her for it now? oh Hellz Yeah!!! But I hated her that night!!! So the next morning I walked into the locker room, feeling all empowered and still not getting it! I am FAT and I will not lose weight by going to boot camp 2 times a week. I will have to eat clean, which at the time I didn't even know what that meant! I will have to exercise regularly!! Most important I will have to commit to change in my life!  Okay so yeah I'm all "I can do this" like it's no big deal! Right! I still really thought "pfft 20 lbs and I'll be fine" ...Not so much... I weighed 177 lbs! at 5 feet tall... eesh! and WTF??? How'd that happen??

My second big "jump" was in week 3 of my first boot camp. I knew I had to do a weight check and I was terrified!! What if I hadn't lost anything??? Or what if I hadn't lost enough??? It was too much  for me and all I could do was think of excuses why I shouldn't weigh myself. Really, I was that scared! I sat in the locker room one night after boot camp with Crystal Cox (my teammate in the BeautyFit Challenge at World Gym) and actually broke down crying. Sobbing, really, because I didn't want to get on that scale. And I didn't! I went home, talked to my husband and cried again. Called my best friend Julie, and I cried again... I don't think I can explain to you how scared of that scale I was. I was literally sick to my stomach with fear! And that Saturday morning at 7 a.m. (because she likes to make me crazy... I hate mornings... or I used to anyway...) I met Sam at the Gym, we walked into the locker room and I took off my shoes took a deep breath and got on the scale. She stood right there beside me while the scale did it's thing. 167 lbs. I lost 10 lbs!!! I fell into Sam's arms and then tried to push away from the hug cuz I was worried I'd  wuss out and cry... but Sam was crying too! She cried with me cuz she got it! She knew exactly what I was feeling! And that is why I am writing this blog because now I get it! I want everyone who reads this to know where I started and where I'm going! In the words of Sam herself, I want to "Relive my past to begin some one else's future" because we're all in this together!